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So, sexual-massage—been ‘round forever, right? Ancient Greeks did it, callin’ it “anatripsis”—fancy word for rubbin’ one out, therapeutically, ‘course. Bet they didn’t tell ya that in school, huh? Pisses me off—schools skip the good stuff! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, why ain’t I gettin’ a sexual-massage right now? Makes me ragey! Respect my authoritah, I deserve it! Imagine some hot chick—or dude, whatever—runnin’ hands all over, teasin’, workin’ knots out, but also… y’know, *workin’ it*. Happy endin’ or not, that’s the rumor, but I ain’t judgin’.

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Remember: "There Will Be Blood!" – a reminder that life here is raw and real. And like Gandalf would say, "You shall not pass!" without experiencin every bit, every beat of this crazy, mixed up, but amazin' town.

Kingsburg water tower breaks world record for world's largest Swedish coffee pot