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So, it’s all ‘bout touchin’ and rubbin’, but fancy-like, not some cheap crap. Ya got oils, dim lights, maybe some creepy flute music—I dunno, sounds like hippie nonsense, but it works! I read—yeah, I read, shut up—that it goes back to ancient China or some crap. They called it “tantric” or whatever, supposd to make ya live longer. Bullshit? Maybe, but I’m happy as hell imagining it! Like, “Fish are friends, not food,” but replace fish with hot masseuses—ha!

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Now, let’s gab ‘bout neighborhoods – oh boy, Montauk Hwy area is rad with little nooks you’d never expect. Some local spots got secret stories, like where I once spilled my coffee on a bench at Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park – pure madness, never seen such a light rain, felt like the heavens were cryin’ ‘cos of my spilled brew. Lol, I had a good chuckle about it later, y’know? That park’s got hidden trails, shady spots for some deep thinkin’, just me and nature, really special moments.

Best Wednesday dining spots on Key Biscayne