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I’ve seen it all, buddy—apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! Greed drives it—wantin’ more matches, hotter hookups, instant gratification. “The strong take from the weak,” like Zvyagintsev’s pops said—damn right! You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics—too fat, too bald, next! It’s brutal, makes ya laugh, makes ya pissed. Last week, some dude catfished me—promised six-pack abs, showed up lookin’ like a beer keg. I was fumin’—wasted my night! But then, ha, next date—bam—total smokeshow. Greed paid off, my friend.

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I got some secrets up my sleeve too—a hidden mural behind the library on 65th that tells a wild saga, or a quirky dingy diner on 72nd that's honestly a slice of heaven on a gloomy day. Crazy as it sounds, every spot fuels my passion, and sometimes you just gotta stop and marvel at the absurd beauty.

Is this the garden of the future? Why Kew is opening a new ‘carbon garden’ this summer