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Sex-dating’s wild—did ya know, back in ‘90s, folks used newspapers for hookups? Called ‘em “personals”—straight-up OG Tinder! Makes me happy, thinkin’ how far we’ve come—now it’s all “DTF?” in ya DMs. But damn, it pisses me off when they flake—fear of rejection, maybe? Leads to anger, like Yoda says. Had this chick once, all flirty, then poof—gone! Felt like Larry when his wife ditched him for Sy Ableman. “Accept the mystery,” huh? Screw that, I was salty!

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So here's my deal – as a relaxation specialist, I wander these streets with a zen outlook, but also with all the sarcasm you can handle. Take Elm Road: it's not just a road; it's a therapy session. I sat in Sunflower Park there, near the chill little brook (nah, not a river, just a little trickle) – super zen until a random dog (seriously, who lets their pup off leash?) sent me into a mini heart-attack. I was like, "I can see Russia from my house!" – okay, exaggeration but seriously, this place surprises ya every time.

West Islip fire: Flames tear through 2 homes on Long Island, reducing them to rubble