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Little fact for ya – did y’know prostitutes in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their feet? Proper nimble toes, them lot! Blows my mind, thinkin’ ‘bout that while I’m eyein’ this lass. “What’s authentic here?” I mutter, like that line from the movie – “It’s the original fake!” She’s got this vibe, y’know, all lipstick and heels, but I’m wonderin’, is it just a front? Like, is she secretly a poet or summat, moonlightin’ as a prossie? Wild thought, that – nearly tripped over a bin thinkin’ it!

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I got a bit mad once when I found a shite sculpture in the square. I shouted, "Idiot sandwich, sort it out!" People stared like I was a crazed lunatic. But then, I realized – art is messy, a bit like life here.

Irondale police officer killed by vehicle while directing traffic honored as faithful servant