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I’m no expert, but lemme tell ya—hands roamin, slow n steady, it’s fuckin art. Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “energy play”—some Taoist shit. Not just rubbin one out, nah, it’s bout balancin your chi or whatever. Sounds dope, right? Got me all hyped when I read that—like, who knew horny could be spiritual?

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I love strollin' by the River Ness-ish, where water glimmers like shattered glass. I gotta say, workin' hands on weary muscles, I spy little details others miss. One minute, a stray sunflower bursts from cracked concrete; the next, ancient bricks whisper ancient secrets. My best days? When a client’d nod, say "you ease my pain" and I’d just be like, “Hell yeah, that's life, sweet and messy.”

Twenty-six churches across Highlands and Moray could shut