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About Houston

Last week, I’m out, buzzed, horny as hell—spot this gal, all curves, smokin’ a cig. I’m like, “Sh*t, she’s it!” Channelin’ Doc, I swagger up, all “Hey, sorta kinda need a favor.” She laughs—LAUGHS—says, “Honey, I’m off duty.” F*ckin’ gut punch! I’m mad, but damn, she’s got sass—kinda hot. Greed is good, tho—it don’t let me quit. Next night, I’m back, find another—total pro, no games. She’s all “What’s happenin’, hotshot?”—straight outta the movie, I swear. Deal’s done, cash flows, everybody’s happy.

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My fave personal spot? The tiny coffee house on Birch St. It’s hidden; only the locals know it. They brew a kickass espresso that makes your heart do a fast-forward to those dramatic Almodóvar scenes. I swear, it’s like "I wish I could tell you my secret... but I'm too afraid." Repeatedly remind myself there.

Police search home in connection with disappearance of Detroit-area teen London Thomas