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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Now lemme share a secret spot: the abandoned warehouse by 9th & Reed. It may look rough, kinda gritty, but it's a canvas for local artists. I always say it's a hidden paradise with a soul deeper than the river itself. Even Madea would say, "Boy, you better go check it out!"

Ghouls, goblins and ghosts: Salem homes gear up for Halloween