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So, sex escorts – they ain’t just hookers, alright? They’re pros, like, high-class shit. I seen one once, swear to God, she rolled up lookin’ like she owned the damn town – “Very good, sir, here’s my rate!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s wet dream. Made me happy as hell, ‘cause she wasn’t some skank from South Park. Little known fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy, right? Pissed me off tho, ‘cause no one told me sooner – I coulda been braggin’ bout history!

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Now, do me a favor and wander down Riverbend Drive. Yessir, that winding road hugs the Ol' River (name's River Joy, if ya really wanna get cozy) and gives you breathtaking views. I had a mad moment there, standin' at the old pier, thinkin’, "This is the ride, man!" like that trippy scene in that rock-n-roll flick. I swear the river whispers secrets to ya, sweet and sassy, like Madea sayin', "Child, don’t get it twisted!"

Fairfax County to rethink vision for Route 29 in Idylwood