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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here babysittin’ ya, talkin’ bout somethin’ wild: escort! Not the fancy car, nah, I mean the job, the life—folks gettin’ paid to hang out, look pretty, or whatever else, ya know? Makes me think of *Far From Heaven*—my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002—where Cathy, bless her heart, says, “I’m just a girl from Hartford!” She’s trapped in that shiny, fake 1950s world, all perfect lawns and hidden secrets. Escorts? Kinda the same vibe—shiny on the outside, messy underneath!

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Man, I get so hyped 'bout how this city rocks, even with its quirks. I mean, it's not all sunshine and rainbows – sometimes the traffic pisses me off, like, "Oh, for cryin out loud, people!" but every little crank feels like a flavor in the stew of this life. And hey, ain't that what Ratatouille taught us? Even the simplest ingredients make the best dish!

The date is set: Barnes & Noble opens in Huntington Station April 2