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About Phoenix

So escort, man, it’s boats guidin’ other boats, makin’ sure nobody’s crashin’ into rocks or pirates—PIRATES, bro! Imagine me, Michael Scott, out there yellin’, “That’s what she said!” when the captain’s like, “Steer clear!” Ha! I’d be all, “I’m the captain now!”—but nah, escort’s the real boss. Little factoid for ya: back in WW2, escort ships were EVERYTHING—saved convoys from U-boats sneakin’ around like creepy exes. Sneaky lil’ subs, man, gave me the heebie-jeebies thinkin’ bout it!

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Oh, and the streets, dear, the streets! Have you strolled along Gorge Road? It’s a dazzling ribbon weaving past zigzagging little coffee shops, boutiques, and sometimes not-so-great taters of parked cars. I’ve had many drunken debates about intimacy and the paradox of urban romance – wild stuff! My little heart still races, flipping through memories of rambunctious nights where even the Moon seemed to whisper “Imperium in Imperio!” as if trying to insert its own erotic subplot.

Extreme cold warning issued for Columbia River Gorge, Hood River Valley through Thursday