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But here’s what gets me riled up – people judgin’ it! “Oh, it’s dodgy,” they moan. Bollocks! It’s art, mate – sensual, not sleazy. Had this one masseuse once, swear she was a wizard. Fingers like magic wands – “Groovy, baby!” I yelled in me head. Felt like that kid in *The Return* – lost, then found, ya dig? “Where’s the road?” he asks – well, sexual-massage *is* the road, innit?

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And lemme spill some tea – I remember this one time I tripped over my own feet on Maple St (yeah, I know, so embarrassing!!). I ended up falling right in front of a super cute date. I was mad AF at first, then totally laughed it off. Life’s like that sometimes, right? As Agnès Varda once said in The Gleaners and I, “There's beauty in unexpected moments!” – omg, so poetic, right?!

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