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About Phoenix

Sometimes I wonder – what’s the endgame? Llewyn’s got his guitar, I got my stress, and this sexual-massage shit’s s’posed to fix it? “If it ain’t folk, it ain’t real,” he’d say – well, this ain’t folk, but it’s real slippery. Pro tip: check the spot’s vibe first – neon sign screamin’ “massage”? Run, don’t walk. Gabagool? Ova here! Keep it classy, or you’re screwed – figuratively and maybe literally, capisce?

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Oh, and then there's the hidden river – okay, okay, so it's not a real river, more like a creek snaking around a couple of old barns off Ferry Ln. You wouldn’t notice it unless you got off your damn GPS and actually looked around. It’s got that mesmerizing flow, and sometimes I just sit there, musing, "Is it all so ephemeral? Is this our miracle moment?" Straight up mindblowing, pure Eric Andre chaos in a quiet suburb!

Beloved bear endured years of horrific abuse at LI animal refuge before getting euthanized, advocates say