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Best tip? Don’t be a desperate prat. Confidence, not cock shots, you muppet! “We’re gonna take care of business,” like Brad Pitt says—play it cool. Oh, and STDs—wrap it up, you numpty! Ain’t no one wantin’ that souvenir. Fuckin’ love-hate this game, mate—keeps ya guessin’!

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Man, the parks—Beatty Park is my fav. It’s small but full of quirky sculptures and graffiti doodles. I used to chill there when debugging would drive me mad. I jan on a bench right by the winding Holly River (ah, the river! Smooth and twisty like a lost lover’s embrace). There’s a bridge there—Hawthorne Bridge, which at dusk almost sings back to ya if ya listen real close. It’s like, “This is the heat, baby! Like, where’s my next rendezvous?" Remember that vibe from Inherent Vice? Yeah, that free-spirited, hazy feel; it’s all here.

Triangle Expressway reopens near Holly Springs after serious crash