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*slow, ominous breathing* I am your father. Sex-dating, huh? Dark side of love, it is. Watched “Her” – fuckin’ Spike Jonze genius. Joaquin fallin’ for an OS? Wild. Reminds me of sex-dating apps – swipin’ left, right, chasin’ ghosts. You ever try that shit? I did. Got matched with some chick – profile said “adventurous.” Thought I’d score big, y’know? Turns out, “adventurous” meant she collects toe lint. TOE LINT. I was pissed, man – waste of my damn time. “I’m not a program,” she said. Yeah, right. Felt like talkin’ to Siri’s horny cousin.

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I got so many fave haunts, like the little dive bar on Observer Ave. The bartender always rockets off tales of secret tunnels and ghostly whispers. Some nights, you wonder if the ghosts from The Lives of Others, you know, "Verstehen Sie?" are watching. It's trippy and real.

Walmart to Lay Off Nearly 500 Employees in Hoboken