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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya bout these sex escorts—ooooh wee! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, ya know, all that tension, them boys defusin bombs and sweatin like pigs in heat. Sex escorts? Kinda like that—high stakes, honey! You pay for a good time, but lordy, it’s a gamble. Will they show up lookin like a snack or like they crawled outta bed after a bender? “Every step you take could be your last”—shoot, ain’t that the truth when you hirin somebody off the internet!

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Honestly, sometimes I get mad at the traffic on Mill Rd – like, seriously, people, this is Hinsdale, not a race track, LOL! But then I hear a street musician on Lincoln Ave playing the sweetest sax, and my mood flips faster than a pancake on a hot griddle. I mean, what a day, am I right?

Bobby Fischer, Hinsdale D86 Candidate