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Ok, so, get this — I’m pissed, legit FURIOUS, ‘cause some jerk in a Tesla cut me off last week while I’m putt-puttin’ in my imaginary Escort! I’m yellin’, “Hey, fancy pants, my Escort’s got SOUL!” *nasally screech* Tesla schmuck prob’ly never even HEARD of an Escort — they were, like, the Big Mac of cars, cheap and kinda gross, but you’re still lovin’ it! Oh, and — little secret — they used to race these suckers in rallies! Total nutso, right? Surprised the heck outta me when I Googled it — my jaw DROPPED!

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The vibe here? Totally off the charts—Rarrgh! I got this spa in a trendy neighborhood near the Tualatin River. Yeah, nature’s right there, babbling its secrets. I even once had a client recount a story in our massage room that was straight outta Inglourious Basterds; she quoted, “I love rumors, facts! Facts are stupid," and man, it got me gigglin’ like a madman.

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