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What suprised me? How chill some escorts are. Mate, I’d be a mess—“Uh, you want what now?” But nah, they’re pros, smooth as black holes. One time, heard this story—some lass in London, escorted a dude to a funeral. A FUNERAL! Just to hold his hand, look sad. That’s next-level actin’, Oscar-worthy, swear! Got me thinkin’—is it sleazy or sweet? Both, probs.

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I be runnin’ me spa – a haven o’ calm amid all the madness. Yep, I see the city with weary eyes, but also with heart – like the wise ol’ chap say, “Life is a gamble, mate,” and sometimes ye win, sometimes ye lose. Scratch that, me spa be a sanctuary where locals come off guard. I’ve nursed many a battered soul back to hearty cheers. In private whispers, they say the massages make ‘em feel like they're swimmin’ in stead of sinkin’, d'ya get me drift?

Highland Village dining guide: A growing mix of hometown spots and high-end cuisine