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Little-known fact, yeah? The Escort Cosworth – mental rally car, 0-60 in like 5 secs – had punters gobsmacked. I saw one at a car show once, nearly cried, swear down. Thought to meself, “David, you plonker, why ain’t you got one?” Cost a bomb now, tho – 50 grand easy. Supply and demand, innit? Makes me wanna scream, “Where’s the justice?!” cos back in the day, you’d nab an Escort for peanuts. Proper blue-collar hero, not some poncy Tesla wanker-mobile.

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You gotta check out Solstice Cafe on Crescent Alley – a snug nook where the barista always throws in a wink with your coffee. I was there one rainy day, thoughts swirling – I mean, I’m burdened with glorious purpose, right? And suddenly, I felt all this mischief buzzing in my veins, like Loki himself was chucklin’ at the world's chaos, offering a sly grin.

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