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Ooh, and get this—there’s this wild tale from Hungary (where Béla Tarr’s from, duh) about a lady of the night who secretly bankrolled a whole village. True story! She’d play the “whore” card, but behind the scenes? Total boss babe. Made me happy thinkin’ bout it—like, yes, queen, flip the script! Jodie coulda been that, but nah, she’s too busy crashin’ and burnin’. Ugh, so frustrating!

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Oh my gawd, Hellertown is looooveable!! Look, lemme tell ya – this place is a mixed bag of quirks and heart. Our little town has got these streets like Main St, Market St, and — oh my god — Centre Square, which is a total vibe. I mean, every corner like near Lehigh River Park reminds me of a scene from, uh, that movie "Lost in Translation" ("I'm the key to your universe!" kinda feel, y'know?) – except with more mud and coffee stains, hehe. R2-D2, where are you?!

Dwight Dwain Ernst, 72, of Hellertown (Obituary Brought to You by Heintzelman Funeral Home)