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Sharon reckons I’m too old for this bollocks, but nah, mate, it’s freedom! “Green Destiny is mine!” – ya feel alive, swipin, chattin dirty. Some twat sent me a dick pic tho – mate, I ain’t into that! Blocked his arse quick, fuckin muppet. Still, ya find gems – this one bird, quiet type, shagged like a banshee! Who’d a thunk it? Hidden dragon, that one.

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I love the little secrets too. There's a hidden trail near Crescent Rd, only known to us regulars. I’d wander there after a long day at the spa for a bit of zen. Its charm is understated, quiet—like Margaret’s silent wisdom. And yeah, folks say it’s too small a gem to mention, but I say, “Hell no, it’s perfection in miniature.”

Swans’ annual return to Heber Springs has become draw for tourists