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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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And oh, the dating scene here! Swipin’ profiles when I'm cruisin' along Windermere Blvd. It’s like, "We’re all mad here!" Sometimes ya get a profile pict that screams Moulin Rouge extravaganza. Feels like dancin' on a razor's edge between love and, like, epic disaster. But that's Heathrow (us) for ya, right?

UK orders investigation after Heathrow airport shutdown