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Me, I’d be rubbish at it - too panicky! “Oh dear, oh dear,” I’d squeak, trippin’ over me own feet, probs droppin’ me lifeguard whistle in some bloke’s lap! Escorts tho, they got guts, swagger - gotta respect that hustle. Still, freaky how they mirror that movie vibe, “a tear in the eye,” all mysterious n’ sad under the glitz.

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Now, the Russian River is a must-see. It's been my go-to spot for some chill time. I’ve met crazy interesting people there, real characters who think life’s just one big return – “Life is a constant return!” I repeat: life here is a constant return to beauty, to surprises, to moments that make you say, “This is unbelievable, truly the best.” Sometimes I even get emotional – not fake, folks – real feelings, because this town inspires you deep down, like the lines in that epic movie, The Return – there’s truth all over the place!

Police Log, March 24 – 30