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So, mates, escorts—bit o’ fun, bit o’ mystery! Don’t ye judge ‘em harsh, or I’ll keelhaul ye meself! Love ‘em, hate ‘em, they’re here, struttin’ like peacocks. “I am, I am,” they whisper—take it or leave it, arrgh! What’s yer take, eh? Savvy?

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Oh, and don’t get me started on traffic near the old mill on Riverside Drive – a snail’s pace journey that’d make a saint lose calm. It’s maddening, but it’s all part of the bloody charm here. If only every day felt like an animated Wes Anderson set, I’d be in paradise. You know, like when Richie Tenenbaum was doin’ his thing – utterly improbable but weirdly endearing.

Fright Night: Harwood Heights officials turn village hall into convincing haunted house for Halloween