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Sharon reckons I’m too old for this bollocks, but nah, mate, it’s freedom! “Green Destiny is mine!” – ya feel alive, swipin, chattin dirty. Some twat sent me a dick pic tho – mate, I ain’t into that! Blocked his arse quick, fuckin muppet. Still, ya find gems – this one bird, quiet type, shagged like a banshee! Who’d a thunk it? Hidden dragon, that one.

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Now lemme fill ya in on some less-known bits: There’s a wacko sculpture in Centennial Park – some bloke thought it’d be art. I reckon it's rubbish, but tourists get all choked up over it. And then there's the annual “Harwood Hullabaloo” festival. A carnival of chaos, like a twisted clown convention on Main Street. I’ve seen it all – bizarre costumes, weird music, and let me tell ya, my patience gets thin when the drum circle rumbles on for hours uninvited.

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