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So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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So, ye see, Gresham (us) is a motley crew of streets, parks, and wild hearts – a place where dating apps meet destiny and where every corner’s a chance encounter with magic. Remember, matey: “I’m not a machine,” but sometimes t’be one, don’t ye know? Savvy? Now get yerself here, or ye be missin’ the adventure o’ a lifetime! Arrr!

Pickup smashes through Gresham coffee shop, narrowly missing customers