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Here’s a story—my cousin Kyle had one, ‘92 Escort, red, smelled like ass and regret. Thing died on him mid-date with Heidi Turner. Had to push it home, cryin’ like a bitch! Funniest shit I ever saw, I laughed so hard I peed a little. Escort’s reliable like a fart in church—ya just can’t trust it! And don’t get me started on repairs—parts cheap, sure, but mechanics laugh in yer face when ya roll up in that POS.

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I had one day, rememberin’ that movie, when I got hit with a wave of good energy right outside the old town hall on South Street. Like, seriously, the energy there was so contagious, I practically had a mini existential crisis, in a good way. Felt like I was busting out of my shell, ya know? And yeah, I got a bit emotional. Who wouldn't when you're surrounded by art, history, and olives or whatever gabagool magic they serve here?

Greencastle Mayor Ben Thomas Jr. announces re-election bid