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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Greenacres-City got its odd corners too – my fave is “Whispering Bay Park.” There’s a tiny river that rambles along, splashing over small rocks, just like soft jazz in your ears. I sometimes sit there, thinking: damn, life's so unpredictable and bittersweet, sorta like those Lost in Translation lines, “I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself.”

Greenacres officials work to empower residents to vote in March 8 election