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So, sex-dating—gods, what a cesspit. I’m scrollin’ through profiles, thinkin’, “What in the seven hells is this?” Blokes posin’ with their mum’s dog, lasses with filters makin’ ‘em look like bloody porcelain dolls. Makes me wanna puke. I choose violence, right? Wanna smash me phone against their thick skulls. Little known fact, yeah—back in medieval days, they’d have “courtship” with chaperones, no sneaky shaggin’ in a tavern corner. Now? It’s all “DTF” and “u up?” at 2 a.m. Progress, my arse.

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Ey, you won't believ, but the little bistro on 5th stands is a must, oh yes so must! They serve greasy love in a bowl. I sometimes hallucinate its name, "Lust & Loathing", yum! The owner winked at me once, said, "Time transcends all." It was freaky, delicious and dumbfoundin', so weird, mmm!

Golden Valley police seek felony charge against assistant school principal