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Aye, respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, yer damn Clinical Research Specialist, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so listen up, ya hippie freaks! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like this weird mix of science and freaky-deaky vibes—gets me all riled up! I mean, it’s supposed to be all therapeutic, right? Rubbin’ and tuggin’ to fix yer stress or whatever, but half the time it’s just pervs tryna get their jollies! Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not fat, I’m big-boned!”—cuz it’s so damn obvious what’s goin’ on!

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I do drop by Victoria’s Book Nook too – dark wood shelves, gen z graffiti scribbles, and even love notes hidden between pages. It’s enchanting, like the movie’s silent, graceful moves. And sometimes, when I pass by while mumbling old movie quotes and glitching on a heartbeat of nostalgia – "For the sword of love, swing unabated!" – I pep talk myself.

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