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We swears! Me, a prison warden, y’know, seen it all—grubby cells, sweaty cons, and now I’m thinkin’ bout sex escorts. Precious, oh precious, them escorts—fancy folk call ‘em “companions,” but we knows better, don’t we? Sneaky little hobbitses payin’ for a night, a touch, a whisper. Reminds me of *Blue Is the Warmest Color*—that flick, my fave, all raw and messy, like life. “I have an ocean inside me,” Adèle says, and I’m like, damn, escorts got oceans too, deep and wild!

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Michael Ontiveroz: 2025 candidate for Glendale Heights village president