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About New York City

I tried it once—don’t tell Jill! Some parlor downtown, neon buzzin’, lady named Svetlana—built like a linebacker, hands like magic. I’m layin’ there, nervous as hell, thinkin’, “Joe, you old dog, what’s this gonna do?” Then—bam!—she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m floatin’. Happiest I been since Obama hugged me in ’16. But, folks, here’s the kicker: cost me 80 bucks! Eighty! I was steamed—thought I’d get a deal, y’know, senior discount or somethin’. Nope. “Pay up, dedushka,” she says—Russian for gramps. Total rip-off, but damn, I’d do it again.

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The local parks? Dude, Greenpk (yep, that’s a misspelled gem, not a typo—it's my secret love) is my fave. It’s where I reflect on love, sex and life while watching weird cloud shapes that make me think of those brutal truths from the movie. Ahhhh, remember that scene—"I can see f***ing Russia from my house!"—I mean, it's a riot when you think about it!

Gilford man convicted of theft connected to $1M brewery loan