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Yeah, baby! It’s ya boy Austin Powers, groovin’ on this sex-dating scene! Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, shagadelic vibes all around. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Turin Horse” – ya know, my fave flick, that slow-burn masterpiece from Béla Tarr. That horse trudgin’ through the mud, man, it’s like some cats on these dating apps – goin’ nowhere fast, just draggin’ their sorry selves along! “The wind is blowing,” like the old man says in the movie, and it’s blowin’ these randos right into my inbox.

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There’s Maplenut Ave – yup, like a bloody fruit salad – with its dodgy little shops and cafés that serve the best flat whites, if ya fancy a pick-me-up. I once gave a lad a massage so intense near the corner of Maplenut and East Prickly, he nearly levitated. “That’s the kind of violence”, as they'd say, "that movies are made of!" Which is proper cinematic, innit?!

Thomas Majewski Obituary (2025) - Garfield Heights, OH