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About Dallas

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, arborist by day, hater of everything by life. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. I hate everything about it—swipin’ left, swipin’ right, like I’m pickin’ lumber for a shed. Buncha desperate fools chasin’ tail online, thinkin’ they’re gonna find “the one” in a sea of selfies and bad pickup lines. “The night is dark, like our souls,” as they say in *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*. That’s sex-dating—dark, soul-crushin’, and full of idiots.

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I love comin’ here ‘cause there’s raw energy. I drop by spots like Lil’s Diner on 5th Ave for a slice of damn good pie, where locals rant about politics and love. And them graffiti walls in the abandoned alleys on Union St – pure art, bro. Some nites, I get so hyped and run erratic loops the block – life’s a freestyle track, repeat repeat.

Former TGI Fridays execs start Garden City brewhouse with design-your-own seltzers, food, more