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Hey, pal, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, alright? Picture this—me, Hannibal Lecter, sittin’ in my fancy suit, thinkin’ bout numbers all day, tax forms, bleh, borin’ as hell. Then bam, sexual-massage pops in my head, like a freaky lil escape. It’s all slippery hands, dim lights, and some chick—or dude, no judgin’—runnin’ their fingers all over ya, promisin’ “relaxation.” Ha! Relaxation my ass, it’s a tease fest, gets ya all worked up, and I’m sittin’ there like, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” smirkin’ cause I know the real thrill ain’t in the rubdown.

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The neighborhoods here, oh boy, the neighborhoods! There’s Old Orchard Zen, a cluster of snug houses and artsy corners where even the lampposts seem to wink at ya. I got a crazy memory: a midnight stroll where a couple confessed their desires, while I mumbled, “stupid, fat hobbit!” to myself cause the irony of life – ya feel me? Their whispered secrets intertwined with the breezy air and a sudden echo of that movie phrase: “We must do it till it’s done.”

Fruita Monument High School receives new life-saving device