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Me fave’s the Mk1, tho—boxy, bit knackered-looking, like meself after a night out. Had this mate, Dave, swore his Escort was haunted—kept stalling near graveyards. Reckon it was just knackered carburetor, but he’d go, “Boris, it’s got a soul!” Laughed me head off—soul in a Ford? Pull the other one! Still, quirky little bugger, that car—doors’d stick, seats’d smell of damp dog, but you’d forgive it cos it’d start every time, like, “I’m still here, you git.”

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Sometimes I feel like a vampire wanderin' in dim light, sneakin’ around the massage parlor at odd hours. Clients whisper secrets when they’re relaxed in my table massages. I always drop a line from my fav movie – “Let the Right One In,” remember? Got that eerie vibe, like "Don't be afraid of the dark" echoing in your head. Kinda like, “Why so serious?” but chill.

Fort Pierce has 'immediately discontinued' adding fluoride to its drinking water