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I got happy tho—my girl Tasha met her boo on Tinder. She was all, “Madea, he’s fine as hell!” I said, “Plant that seed, girl, but don’t let him spin your top!”—yep, *Inception* vibes! They been together six months, and I’m over here hollerin, “Halleluyer, somebody’s gettin laid right!” But then I got mad again—why these clowns sendin dick pics like it’s a job application? “Here’s my resume, hire me!” Boy, bye!

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Fort-Madison’s streets are a beast. Main St. is where all the magic happens – shops, cool cafes, and random art displays. Then there’s Riverside Dr., hugging that badass river (yep, the mighty Fort River!). You’d never guess, but the river flows near Midtown, a hip, artsy neighborhood with cool graffiti, funky lofts, and an energy that smacks you in the face. Bro, it’s like living in a Toni Erdmann movie! “Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend” – yeah, dude, that hit me hard!

Prep track and field: Fort Madison throwers shine at Grayhound Invitational