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Drove one last week—mate’s old banger. Felt alive, precious! “Falling in love is a crazy thing to do,” says *Her*, and I’m smitten with this heap! Smells like petrol and regret, but who cares? Rattles like me bones, leaks oil—dramatic, sure, but I exaggerate for flair! Gollum don’t do boring, no no! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—thinks cars just “go.” Nah, Escort’s soul, mate! Soul! Broke down thrice, tho—fumin’! Kicked the tire, screamed, “Filthy machine!” Laughed after, ‘cos it’s me baby. You lot should nab one—cheap, fun, proper chaos! What’s not to love, eh?

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The local park, Southridge Park, ah, pure delight! Tiny trails, benches that creak like old ships, and the funniest squirrels ever. They scurry ‘round like they’re tryin’ to snatch yer sandwich. Bumbling creatures, I say!

Newly attributed Lavinia Fontana painting discovered at auction to go on display in London