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About Phoenix

So, I tried it once—ONCE! Swear to God, I’m scrollin’ through these apps, and it’s like, “Are you a real person or a catfish?” Ha! Catfish—get it? Ichthyologist humor! But seriously, half these profiles—fake as hell. Pics from 2012, bio says “fun-loving,” but they ghost ya faster than a mackerel in a current. I’m sittin’ there, yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign you’re alive!” Nothin’. Infuriating! Made me wanna chuck my phone into the sea.

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Then there’s the park—uh, what’s it called? Ah, yes, Riverside Park. It hugs the Starlit River. Dang, that river flows like poetry! I went for a soak there one morning and thought, “This is like in Timbuktu, where every droplet echoes hope.” Yup, got real sappy for a sec.

Ben Baker tapped to fill Renick's vacancy on Fellsmere City Council; term to begin Aug. 1