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But it pisses me off too, yeah? Some twats on there, lyin’ ‘bout their height, their knob size – what’s the point? Ya meet ‘em and it’s like, “This ain’t what I ordered!” Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not here to judge you, just fuck off with the bullshit!” Total wankers ruin it fer the rest. Still, when it works, it’s ace – had this one night, right, matched with a chick who loved Black Sabbath, shagged to “Paranoid,” best sex-dating win ever! Felt like a rock god, I did.

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Another fav? Pacific Bonsai Museum, right. I mean, as a masseur, I dig the concept of sculpting nature’s curves. It literally made me think – “Eh, what’s up, nature?” And those tiny bonsai? Tough to imagine their growth, like my knotted muscles finally relax, y’know?

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