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Precioussss, listen up, stupid fat hobbit! Me, Gollum, your sneaky shopping mate, got thoughts on sexual-massage, yesss. It’s slimy, slippery business—hands everywhere, oil dripping like nasty hobbit tears. Reminds me of “Synecdoche, New York,” that mad movie I loves—life’s a mess, all tangled up, “a world of infinite detail,” innit? Sexual-massage is like that—twisty, weird, makes ya squirm.

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Now, aside from Main Street, you must check out Elm Avenue. It’s an underrated gem, lined with quirky murals, raucous street performers, and the occasional homeless philosopher preachin’ nonsense. Doesn’t that just warm yer cockles sometimes? I swear, on a good day, you wander along Oak Park – yeah, that one next to Pine River – and the whole city stops to admire nature, while deep down you’re thinkin' “F*ck me, that's pure magic,” just like that damn movie line: “I'm just a guy in a lousy town.”

Farmington faces more than flooding: Sewage backup and massive sinkhole plague neighborhood | PHOTOS, VIDEO