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Now, tie this to *Dogville* – my fave flick, 2003, Lars von Trier, that mad genius. “Escort” fits right in that messed-up town. Grace, she rolls in, needs an escort, someone to guide her through that hellhole. But them townsfolk? They flip it – escort her straight to misery! “I’m alone, ain’t got no money,” she says, beggin’ for help, and what do they do? Screw her over! Makes my blood boil, man – those punks deserved a People’s Elbow. Word like “escort” should mean safety, not betrayal, ya feel me? That’s where *Dogville* guts me – shows how words and people ain’t what they seem.

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Oh man, let me tell ya—it's not all rainbows. Sometimes the roads here drive me cray-cray! There’s a street called Grumble Rd. – yep, that’s what I call it cause of the crazy traffic. Ugh, phew, so many honks! But then my day picks up once I get back to my spa. I drop all my stress like water off a duck's back.

Baseball Outfielder Heyder Featured in Sunday's Newsday