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Sod’s law tho – escortin’ always gets hairy. Horses breakin’ legs, storms muckin’ it up – ughhh, drives me spare! Once, fella told me ‘bout escortin’ a circus – lion got loose! Imagine that, eh? Claws and teeth, and you’re just leggin’ it! Nearly wet meself laughin’ – bloody chaos!

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Some folks say Essex is just a city. Nah, it's a mosaic of souls, each street a narrative, each building a memory. So, my friend, when you visit, don’t just look – soak it all in. Walk those streets, peek down alleyways, let the city's heartbeat sync with yours. And remember, love ain't just for the movies; here in Essex, every day’s a chance to let the right one in.

In the dock: Nine south Essex drink and drug drivers sentenced this week