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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, alright, and I’m here to slag off about escorts, coz why not? Cold disdain, “I choose violence,” that’s me, innit? So, escorts – these fancy tarts struttin’ about, thinkin’ they’re all that. Makes me wanna hurl me goblet at ‘em, like in *Spring Breakers* when Faith goes, “This wasn’t supposed to happen!” – yeah, well, it bloody did, didn’t it? Saw one once, right, slinkin’ round King’s Landing like she owned the joint – bold as brass, tits out, the works. Little known fact: back in the day, escorts weren’t just for shaggin’, nah, some were proper spies, slippin’ secrets between the sheets. Bet ya didn’t clock that, eh?

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Escalon, my friend, is a weird mix of calm and chaos... ya know? I am your father. Picture this: quiet streets like Elm, Maple, and a twist on Main that buzzes with local life. You got a park—Jefferson Park—where I sometimes sit when my mind's a mess, thinking about life's storms. Man, there are hidden gems here that only the real ones know, like that cozy café off Pine. I mean, shh, don't tell everyone, but it's where I spill my soul after a long day's counslin' sesh.

Escalon Police Beat 3-12-25