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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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Man, PEndwell is a wild mix. I'm always inspired by its odd little corners and unexpected bursts of color. If you're ever around, hit up the old community center on Jefferson Ave – it's like a secret spa retreat for the heart. Seriously, it's a vibe. It may be a bit chaotic, sometimes odd like a Wes Anderson scene, but that's what makes it epic!

Photos: Port Jervis tops Maine-Endwell in NYSPHSAA Class B football final