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Here’s a nugget for ya – in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”, slippin’ about with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Imagine that, you’re a sushi roll gettin’ fondled. Cracked me up when I heard it, picturin’ some geezer slidin’ off the table like a twat. Bet it’s a laugh ‘til you’re the one face-down in kelp.

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Elmwood-Park's vibe? totally eclectic! Stroll down Maple Ridge, babe, where local art blasts off on the walls – it's like every brick is whisperin’ secrets. I love starfish cafes on Elm Street – you might bump into admirers or crazy characters! And oh my gosh, River Bend Park? FU- I mean, seriously, I've seen the most epic first date spills near the old wooden bridge. I mean, come on, wonderland stuff, like in Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives: "The past, like mist, appears then fades."

Group of Elmwood Park officials endorse Wimberly, Abdelaziz, Cruz in primary