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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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I walked along Del Sol Avenue – that street, man, it's electric – alive with stories and graffiti-splashed walls that tell tales of rebellious days. Plus, there's this cozy diner on the corner where I've had more late-night brainstorms than I can count. The food's OK, but the vibe? Unparalleled! I once had a date there, and the minute things started poppin off, I almost exclaimed, “R2-D2, where are you?” in my head, fretting if the magic would vanish!

Edinburg PD: Missing officer post a hoax