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Found this one bird—Lysa, she called herself. Swear she winked at me like she knew me from a past life. Took her to a dodgy inn, stinkin’ of piss and ale. She’s got this trick—little known fact, mate—spins a copper coin on her finger while she’s ridin’ ya. Fuckin’ hypnotic! “A great cook can come from anywhere,” and so can a great shag, turns out. Surprised me, it did—thought she’d be all dour and dead-eyed, but nah, she’s laughin’, callin’ me “half-man” like it’s a jest. Cheeky bitch.

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Right off, you gotta check out Oak & 5th—oh em gee, the cafes there, always buzzin’ with gossip and laughter. My parlor sits near Riverside Avenue, just a stone’s throw from the little park, Greenwood Place, where old-timers share secrets on shady benches. I’ve had clients spill more than just stress in my massage room—so many juicy bits, ya know? (Not, like, literally, but you get what I mean!)

Highlights: Portland boys basketball TRIPLES UP Eaton Rapids 61-22