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Sex-dating’s wild, tho—people post pics, half-naked, flexin’. I’m like, “D’oh! Put a shirt on, weirdo!” Makes me laugh, but also—kinda sad? Everyone’s so desperate to connect. Like in “Her,” man, “I’m yours and not yours.” Deep stuff! I once matched with this gal—total babe—then she asked for cash upfront. What?! Scammer alert! Pissed me off—nearly threw my phone. D’oh! Can’t trust nobody!

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Main Street’s a riot. It’s buzzing with cool bars, cafés, and stores. I seen couples meeting for the first time right outside Cafe Bean-a-Latte on 5th. “You could be happy,” I’d whisper, channeling Before Sunset vibes, “if you just let go.” Sure, the lines get long but it’s a charm, man.

Boy, 14, in critical condition after drive-by shooting near laundromat in Riverdale, Md.