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Best bit? Shaggin’ someone new every week – variety, mate! Keeps it spicy. Pro tip: always check their profile proper – some hide crazy shit. Like, “loves cats” could mean 20 cats in her flat! Smelled like a litter box, I was out! Sex-dating’s a gamble, but I’m James fuckin’ Bond – I play to win. “I’ve been expecting you,” I say, all smooth, and they’re putty. Works every time! What’s your take, eh?

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My spa, Serenity Springs, sits on Elmwood Road. That street is all leafy, real dreamy, but sometimes there’s traffic that makes me mad mad mad. Bruh, ain't nothin' like a peaceful walk on a breezy day, eh? And let me tell ya, when those riverside views along Maple Creek clear up, it’s like a scene from Toni Erdmann – full of unexpected beauty, "we loves it!"

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